Hazel Grace Lancaster
by Elektra Elentari
Summary: Hazel decides to honour Gus in her own way.
**This is a story about one of my most favourite books. I hope it went well as I love it so much.**

A month.

That's how long it's been since Gus' death. Then why can't the pain go away? Why does it always come back to me? It's already been a month, why can't I find some piece for a moment?

I couldn't even read _An Imperial Affliction_. (a) Because the last person who had read from my copy was Gus (b) because of the Van Houten thing and (c) because I just couldn't forget about Gus.

I remember when I swore to myself that I'd never be like those girls who cried and moped for years because of their boyfriend. Well, obviously not years, but you get the picture. And suddenly I'm moping and crying because my boyfriend died.

My mum made me go back to Support Group. She said I needed it more than ever now. Honestly, the last thing I needed right now were twenty teenagers talking about how they were and what kind of cancer they have. All I wanted was to lie in bed and cry all day while looking at pictures of Gus I had on my phone.

The only person I talk to there is Isaac now that Gus is gone. He comes by to see how everyone's going. At least, that's what he says. He probably just wants to make sure I haven't committed suicide after Gus' death yet.

Kaitlyn called me a couple of times, asking if I'd like to go shopping, but I always found some excuse. She believed them, even the most ridiculous ones.

Was I even more depressed now? Probably. I mean, sure I thought of death and stuff before Gus came into my life, but now, I think I _want_ to die. I mean, if Gus can do it, why can't I? I wonder if you see those you love in that Something with capital S Gus believed in. If you do, I honestly wouldn't mind paying that place a visit.

So, Support Group. Patrick is more cheerful than ever for some reason. Keeps going on about how Jesus will save us from the fate we believe will come to us. Yeah right, as if! The list has gotten longer and I find that Gus' name isn't the last one any more. I wonder when my name will be there.

There are loads of new people, though. How many people can cancer strike since I last came here? I don't really pay attention when everyone is talking, but I know that there are now a Lucy, a Dan and a Valerie. Those are the only ones I can remember. I also remember that Lucy has osteosarcoma. Of all things, it had to be osteosarcoma.

I try not to look at anyone too much, cause that's how it started the day Augustus Waters fixed his amazing blue eyes on me. I'm done with romances from Support Group. Maybe I'm done with romances forever, I'm not quite sure yet.

I remember I was miserable and gave miserable answers to Patrick's questions, if I ever answered at all. Now I was even more miserable. Sometimes I just answered so that he could picture me with a label writing "Do not talk to. Will ruin everyone's lives if she does so!" stuck to my shirt. And I seriously mean ruin their lives. I don't think many people who have cancer would like to hear someone say that we will all die and there's no denying it so you'd better prepare yourself.

So life moved on. I saw people coming and going and living their lives. I saw a woman who had been pregnant some months ago walking to the park with a pram containing a little baby girl. I couldn't help but congratulate her and she told me that I was very sweet. I saw a little boy who had broken his leg and then I saw him with his leg alright. I saw a girl who was still broken over something she should have gotten over. But that was only when I looked in the mirror.

And then, one day something happened. I was waiting for my mum to pick me up from Support Group when someone came up to me. It seemed as if he was going to talk to me and I wished he wouldn't. I tried to look busy, but how busy can you get with a cannula? When it was obvious he was standing next to me, I felt uneasy.

"You're the quiet one?" he asked me and I couldn't not look up. It was a matter of manners. Depression shouldn't play a part in your manners.

"I guess," I answered.

This boy was as tall as me. He had blue eyes and light brown hair. I couldn't remember his name at the moment, but I remembered what cancer he had. He had leukaemia, like Anna from _AIA_ and Van Houten's daughter and like that other boy from the group who had died.

"I'm David," he introduced himself "What's your name?"

I remembered Gus asking me that same question not so long ago but seemed so long ago. The conversation played in my mind.

" _What's your name?"_

" _Hazel."_

" _What's your full name?"_

" _Hazel Grace Lancaster."_

I remember how he'd called me Hazel Grace until he died. It made me want to cry. It was nice that he had called me by both my names, even though I'd always preferred Hazel.

Now that David was asking me the same question, I was trying to think what the right answer was. Was there even a right answer when it came to what your name was? Yes, because if you made a mistake, that's what they would call you by for the rest of your life. If I gave him the wrong answer, I would die thinking that I had made this mistake.

But was I even sure what I wanted people to call me? Could it be that I only liked the name Hazel Grace when Gus said it? What if I didn't like it coming from someone else? Or would I live the little life left to me to regret that no one else had called me that? It couldn't take that long to answer what your name is. I had to make up my mind fast.

And I did.

For Gus.

"Hazel Grace."

THE END~

 **I always had this feeling that Hazel would introduce herself as Hazel Grace to honour Gus after he died. What do you think? Was it a good idea? Did it stink? Review and let me know :)**


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